Death and Dying

Ever since I was a little, I’ve been fascinated (some might say obsessed) with death and dying. I didn’t realize until maybe college that my daily thoughts on the subject were possibly unusual. As long as I can remember, I would play out scenes in my mind. (Did I subconsciously have a death wish?) I don’t know, but I would just picture scenarios where, for example, I would get hit by a car, or the man across the street suddenly points a gun at me and shoots, among many, many others. They weren’t frightening to me, it was just my way of acknowledging many different possibilities. It would just flash through my consciousness, and then pass, and it was so common to me that it had no effect. It was just a thought that crossed my mind. It was almost as if they were fantasies and it wasn’t until I realized what I was doing that I started to be able to control it. It’s just always been the question of “what if?” and I try to think of all possible scenarios. Maybe it’s just that the negative ones were more interesting and thus stand out more. Even now, I still wonder what it’s like; an unknown experience.


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