Monthly Archives: November 2012
So my book will be available on Amazon.com by Friday November 30, 2012! Please buy a copy I will be posting the link in the next couple days…
Also, I am giving away signed copies on goodreads.com… that link will be up soon as well
Here is the description from the back cover:
Fragments of a Fading Dream is a glimpse into the life of Lxa. Through her writings you will see her attempt to understand the world around her and her place in it. Join her as she searches for answers to questions involving life & love, illusion & reality, dreams & memories in an attempt to put the pieces together.
I live most of my life inside my head
trying to see the difference
between what is real and what
what is simply my own creation
and what is outside of me
and whether or not
So much dream craziness…I dreamed I had a lucid dream, but when I woke up from that I was still dreaming; and I was somehow still an observer and a participant of the non-lucid dream, it was like I was dreaming I was playing a part of a detective who was investigating a murder that occurred in the first lucid dream and I find out the murderer is the man I have been dating in the dream when he proposes to me with a ring that is covered in trace evidence from the murder scene.
Then there was the earlier dream with a majestic purple animal who was about the size of a dog, walked on four legs, and was covered in beautiful purple feathers and had eyes that reminded me of an alien. I was in the apt I grew up in in Chicago and was sleeping on the couch in the living room when this animal walked the length of the couch and back, under the covers, but not quite touching me since there was a sheet between us. At first I thought it was my cat, but then it came out from under the couch and I had never seen anything like it. It was kinda strange to wake up to this foreign creature in your home, but I wasn’t scared, more like fascinated by this calm, royal, & regal creature. I found it in the hallway laying down near my cat who seemed perfectly fine with it…which is unusual for her….
So last night I had a strange dream…I was taking pictures of different rooms on a remote camera device and in one room there were normal people, as well as a ghost. I was excited because here was my chance to get a picture of a ghost, so I tried to show the other people in the room with me, but when I looked over at them, it was as if they had been frozen in time. I looked back at the camera viewer and the ghost started talking directly to me. I couldn’t hear him, but I could read his lips, which said “you are going to die.” He said it twice. Which is when I woke up. I felt like I was in a bad horror movie. Also in another part of the dream, there was a little girl about 5 or 6 who was wearing a pretty silver dress, like a wedding dress and her father was walking her down a spiral staircase that was decorated in silver as well. I think she must have been a ghost too.
I’ve been thinking about happiness lately and how it’s always seemed to elude me. Of course I’ve experienced it in moments, but mostly I seem to deny myself. I usually have to force myself to do the things I know that I enjoy, as if I feel I don’t deserve it. Being sad or depressed is such a natural state for me, I fight with it on a regular basis. Sometimes it can be weeks before I realize it and then it’s only through symptoms. I’ll notice that I’m not eating, or I’m sleeping more, to the point where I’d rather be asleep than awake, or I lose interest in things I usually enjoy. It is only then that I realize and can begin to come out of it. As if by acknowledging it, it loses its control over me. I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, I only remember fragments; as if I’m remembering someone else’s dream. It always amazes me how much other people seem to remember. Maybe those were happy times for them; but I was always searching for an escape. Which I found in books; I could forget everything around me, my entire life, and become part of a different world. Until the book ends and forces me to return to this place. Dreams are another escape for me; in them I have completely different experiences; apartments, a whole other life that only exists in fragmented pieces in my mind; only accessible to my spirit, my sense of self, or my dream body so to speak. But back to happiness; it seems so fleeting to me, like a fragile state that can be shattered at any time and has to be treasured because it never lasts. I wonder if maybe for others, it is more stable…