Ok so I know I haven’t posted in a while…
I could say that it’s because I’ve been so busy, but that’s not it. Usually I just don’t really know what to say, or if anyone is reading it anyway, but tonight I seem to be in a different kind of mood.
I’ve been thinking about the things we do in private that would probably seem crazy or strange to other people, but have become completely normal for us because we do them all the time.
Ok so here’s one. I talk to myself. A lot. I don’t think it’s that strange since I spend a lot of time alone and have no one else to talk to. I don’t really think there’s someone else there. Sometimes I imagine there is, or I fantasize about conversations with people in my head, but I know they’re not really talking to me. Sometimes I catch myself doing it in public though, but I usually don’t care.
I talk to my cat too. She doesn’t usually talk back though, except when I’m dreaming
I had a dream once that I met a man in a playground with building blocks who knew all the answers. I asked him and he told me everything I wanted to know, but when I woke up, I couldn’t remember.
Oh and I think time travel could be possible, in our dreams…seriously
And I think dream worlds actually exist and that everything that happens in our dreams is real, just in a different way
I usually leave my tv on when I’m at work at night or on vacation so my cat won’t feel alone and I program it to turn to different channels depending on what I would watch if I were there…
sometimes I think I would enjoy being in prison…lots of time to read/write, don’t have to make too many difficult decisions, maybe I’d feel a connection with the other inmates since everyone is in pretty much the same situation – same goes for a mental institution
Oh, I would like to have an hallucination, or hear voices, or actually live in a dream – I have seen ghosts before when I was young, but didn’t get a chance to talk to them, maybe next time
I think that words are very important, that the specific words we use have meaning. There are many ways to express ourselves and the words we choose say something about how we see the world
I think that is it possible that the people we say have mental disorders may actually be seeing or experiencing a different form of reality
I think that characters in books/movies may actually exist, maybe on a different plane or dimension and our view of them is only a glimpse into their lives
I think it’s possible that each of us are characters in other people’s dreams, and other people are only characters in our own dream that we call reality
I’m not sure if I believe in coincidence, or true randomness
I don’t care for conflict, never have. Most of the conflicts in my life stems from people trying to force me to share something before I’m ready. But I have always stood up for my right to my privacy. In school, I used to write extremely small so the teacher couldn’t read what I was writing from over my shoulder…
I only really feel alive when I’m traveling…I think I see myself differently then, like I can be anyone – I don’t have any restrictions on my life – like all the possibilities are superimposed as in a quantum state, whereas when I’m at home, everything is determined, the box is open…maybe that’s the key…
maybe I need to be able to create that uncertainty anywhere – I’ve always loved the idea of being an actress or a spy, so I could be many different people, live multiple lives…
No wonder I’m not satisfied with just one profession…
I’m interested in a lot of things, but I get bored after a while. I don’t remember facts unless they’re of some specific importance to me. I don’t debate things because I know I’m not an expert and don’t wish to be.
I’m starting school in the fall for Consciousness & Dream studies – don’t quite know where it will lead, I just like to think about stuff like that.
I don’t like to do things I don’t want to do, so I do my best not to do them
I like to work and do things that make me feel useful, otherwise what’s the point?
I don’t have a favorite of anything, it changes all the time
I don’t believe that anything is permanent, or that I have ultimate control over the future
I think it’s possible that everything we “know” is an illusion
That everything I see could be created in my mind
That if I think it, I can possibly make it real
That belief is extremely powerful
That we create our own reality
And that maybe
Well that’s it for now
Until next time…